Category Archives: me, me, me

Closing Remarks on a Decade

I know many folks leave this decade wishing it had never happened. For me, this has been one of the toughest decades of my life. Yet, at the same time, I’m quite resolved. I’m quite thankful for every minute of it.

During this decade, I’ve watched my two children grow into responsible, polite, accomplished young adults. Each has their own interests and personality that delights and disappoints – sometimes in the same hour (they’re teenagers). Also, during this year I reach my 24th wedding anniversary. Who would have thought that cute guy with the ’69 Firebird convertible would still be with me. (Yes, the car is still with us too.)

But, the biggest transformation and accomplishment this decade was the work of me. I think I’m a typical mid-career woman. Started off doing one thing, following my nose until I realized it was actually someone else’s dream I followed. (No, I can’t figure out who this preverbal “someone” is.)

About 10 years ago, my executive coach asked me “what do you want for your future?” I said with pride (knowing this is what she wanted to hear), “I want to be CEO!” Then she said smugly (like she heard it before), “That’s just a title, what do you want?” At the time I felt it was a rhetorical remark and shrugged it off, but today I realize from that point in time I’ve been trying to address the question.

Of course, I went off to achieve and ultimately became a CEO. I have to admit it was not my favorite job. This job came with A LOT of overhead and nonsense. Not a great position for me because I don’t deal with wasting time well, and this crew mastered wasting time – mine, yours and everyone else’s. Do note that’s my perspective and not theirs – it was my first clue I was dependent on the wrong team of people.

One day, the wise words from my coach hit me when struggling with a client issue. I realized I had only achieved a title, and not a dream. This wasn’t really what I wanted! Now, I don’t know about you, but finding out that I had spent my whole career chasing an empty goal was devastating. So, I gladly sold the company above and went off to do my own thing, which has been more of a journey than a destination.  It’s taken me years to get to the point where I think I may just now be on the path of knowing what I want. Just on the path. Yes. I’m just now entering the path.

Why am I thankful? I’m on a promising path, and oh how hard it’s been to find. I’m finally asking the right questions – Who am I? What do I value? How do I want to live my life? What do I want to give to others? How much can I give to others? Who do I want on this journey? Who do I need on this journey? What will I tolerate and what will I not along this journey?

What’s in store for the next decade? I don’t know, but I know this journey is going to be exciting (and it will have its heartbreak too). I’m letting go of those things I do because it’s what others expect of me, and discovering my voice. Turns out, I’m not particularly good at delivering in my voice. I think many women who reach this juncture feel the same. As I learn more about what I want, my path seems clearer and more compelling than ever. Cheers and clink-clink to the decade ahead.

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It’s all about me, isn’t it?

I still never seem to find the time to get this blog off the ground. I keep asking myself, “what can you say that others might find interesting?”  I finally concluded this is simply an excuse.   However, this idea did lead me to understand better what I’m trying to accomplish here.  After all, blogging is not like your typical marketing strategy where you can narrow in on a way to use a tool because you can identify a collection of people with common likes and interests, then play to that.  Anyone can wander by.

Instead I’ve decided this blog is less about you and more about me.  Why not?  It’s a great way to get to know someone…if you so desire.  (If not, my posts won’t be long enough to waste your time.)  Besides, my limited market research shows this is what most people are doing anyway – using their blogs to share themselves and their opinions.  It’s a nice way to get to know what makes people tick, so now I’ll share some of my interests.

Now I decided to actually post a blog, I’m discovering that it’s a great place for me to put my thoughts together.  Like slo-mo. I don’t know about you, but I rarely get to think through concepts like I used to.  Everything I do today is quite reactive.  I live for the “here and now” these days.  You know the feeling.  You struggle and struggle with an issue. But as soon as you walk away from it for 10 minutes  – poof, a different solution (often better) appears like magic.  That’s what this blog is about. Slowing down my thinking long enough to know what I’m actually thinking instead of how I’m reacting.

The only dilemma left is a tough one.  How am I going to take care of this and keep it going?  I’m hoping that might be easier now it’s all about me.  But you just never know, do ya?